Across Africa—and particularly in Nigeria and Ghana—mental health is a topic that’s often swept under the rug, despite its major impact on individuals and communities. The reality is, suicide can affect anyone, regardless of their socioeconomic standing or public appearance. For instance, Victor*, a young professional living in Lagos, seemed to have it all: a stable job, a good apartment, a lively social circle. Yet, beneath the surface, his life felt colourless and repetitive. “I just felt numb,” he shared. “I went about my day like normal, but nothing excited me.”
In quiet moments, the emptiness only grew. Victor found himself constantly questioning: “What if this is all my life will ever be?” Unable to express these worries—especially in a culture where strength and stoicism are often emphasised—he began to contemplate a way out. “It felt like there was no other choice, nothing to look forward to. I couldn’t bear another week of this, let alone years,” he admitted.
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His thoughts gradually turned into a plan, which ironically gave him a brief sense of comfort—an escape from the exhausting routine. But on the day he meant to act, a simple disagreement at work sent him home early. As he opened his front door, something shifted. “I picked up the phone and called a friend,” he recalls. Their friendship mostly revolved around weekend football matches and casual banter—rarely anything personal.
“At that point, I thought, what’s the harm in being honest just this once?” Victor says. That single phone call was a turning point—and possibly a lifesaver.
Silent Desperation
Victor’s friend did not suddenly become a therapist or “pillar of strength.” Still, speaking up began to lift the weight. In just a five-minute conversation—punctuated by shock and concern from his friend—he felt a wave of relief. Saying the heavy words out loud made them seem less permanent.
Psychologist Dr. Sikander Kalla, founder of Cohesive Collaboration, a mental health consultancy, explains: “Your mind can become an echo chamber. Men especially are living lives of silent desperation, focused on merely surviving instead of thriving, which leads to hopelessness and emptiness.” For many in Nigeria, the busy pace, economic pressure, and societal expectations only compound these feelings.
Victor’s experience reflects a broader trend. Although he eventually sought therapy and started medication, many African men never take this first step. According to the World Health Organization, over 700,000 people die by suicide each year globally, with men consistently representing the majority—about 70% in some studies, a figure echoed in Nigeria’s own health statistics. The reasons are complex, often going beyond gender. For example, a report by the UK Mental Health Foundation notes that women are more likely to report mental health problems, but also more likely to seek help. In Nigeria, men make up just a minor percentage of those using university counseling and wellness services, as per data from the University of Lagos.
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Dr. Kalla points to persistent cultural norms: “Hegemonic masculinity—the idea that a man should be stoic and self-reliant—still dominates our thinking. That’s why so many men struggle to open up.” Victor agreed, saying he rarely discussed his feelings, even during the most trying periods. Anger might be shown at a traffic jam on Third Mainland Bridge, but sadness or worry? “Putting feelings into words felt impossible,” he admitted. “As men, we want solutions, but emotions can’t just be ‘fixed’ with logic.” Dr. Kalla adds, “Processing feelings takes practice, introspection, and time—it’s continuous learning.”
Behind the Numbers
To understand why men in Nigeria and across Africa are at such high risk, we have to consider both the statistics and the stories. Academic studies, such as research published in BMC Psychiatry, cite “unemployment,” “being single,” and “retirement” as common factors. In West Africa, financial stresses, job losses, or the death of a breadwinner often disrupt not just individuals, but entire families.
But these broad labels miss the nuances. Some individuals battle undiagnosed depression or anxiety, others struggle with family breakdown, social isolation, or overwhelming responsibilities. “There are so many challenges now,” Dr. Kalla remarks. “Resilience is needed more than ever.”
Nicholas Ingel, a South African gym owner, shared a similar struggle, saying years of alcohol use almost destroyed him. “I sat, many nights, thinking there was no escape,” he recounted. Far from home or support networks, many Nigerians working or schooling abroad can relate to this sense of isolation. Today, Ingel’s story is one of gradual healing and hard-won hope. “Looking back, things weren’t as bad as they seemed. Step by step, I started tackling my problems.”
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By reaching out and talking—just as Victor did—Ingel began to find his balance. “When you fixate on suicide, you miss other ways out,” he says. “But solutions are always there, if you look for them.” In Nigeria, where taboo still surrounds issues of mental health, even a simple chat can sometimes open doors to recovery and hope.
The “Glad” Game
One technique that helped Ingel, and could benefit many West Africans, is the “glad” game: focusing on things, large or small, for which you are grateful. Even when life seems bleak, looking for positives—good health, supportive family, opportunities—can offer new perspective. It’s not about ignoring problems, but widening the lens beyond what hurts.
Yet for many Nigerian men, expressing vulnerability remains difficult. As psychologist Dan Wolf of Houghton House points out, “Vulnerability is often viewed as weakness or incompetence.” Instead, unhealthy coping mechanisms—misusing alcohol, drugs, or workaholism—can take root. “But when everything is about performance, eventually, you can’t keep up,” Wolf explains.
In truth, vulnerability can be a strength. It forms deeper bonds and can help build the real support networks we all need—across gender, location, or social class.
The word suicide creates fear and discomfort, especially for families left behind to seek answers. But the pain of such thoughts is real for many—including men in Nigeria’s urban centres and rural communities alike. Personal experience speaks volumes: loneliness, shame, and silence often combine to make people feel their struggles are unique and insurmountable.
For a Lagos-based writer, the turning point only came after a devastating breakup. “I was overwhelmed by loneliness and shame, convinced I had nowhere to turn,” he recalls. “But starting conversations—with family first, then professionals and friends—was my path to healing.”
Christine Pienaar, a counsellor with Mygrow, suggests a practical first question: “Is your current approach working? If not, is silence truly leading to a better emotional life?” She encourages people to reflect—are your coping habits healthy? Is self-medicating with alcohol really helping in the long run?
Measuring the real risks of continued isolation versus the potential benefits of speaking out can provide motivation to open up. In group-oriented cultures like Nigeria’s or Ghana’s, one person’s honesty often inspires others. “Once one man opens up, the rest usually follow,” Pienaar notes. “Don’t settle for just ‘I’m fine.’ Ask what’s really going on.”
Having these conversations—whether with family, friends, or a trusted professional—can offer a sense of community and belonging. It breaks the illusion that one’s struggles are unique, providing comfort and connection.
Ultimately, the call to action is clear: it’s time to start talking, whether with a healthcare provider, a close friend, or a support group. Picking up the phone could be the first step to recovery.
Create a Crisis Plan
When distress hits, rational thinking can go out the window. Having a crisis plan in place—on your phone or in a journal—can help you ride out the toughest moments and ensure you don’t make impulsive decisions.
1.
Watch for warning signs in yourself: withdrawing from loved ones, losing interest in things you once enjoyed, constant negative thoughts, or sudden outbursts. Early recognition can make all the difference.
2.
List out healthy coping strategies—listen to music, talk a walk, pray, try relaxation techniques, or engage in a creative hobby. These can offer a constructive distraction and ease tension.
Think about your support system. Who can you call—right now? It might be a friend, family member, faith leader, or local support group. Even social support through WhatsApp or Facebook communities can help people feel less alone. Studies show these connections are vital in reducing distress.
4.
If you’re in urgent need, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional. In Nigeria, mental health advocacy is growing, with helplines like Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative (MANI) and the South African Depression and Anxiety Group providing round-the-clock support. Websites like the Therapist Directory (therapist-directory.co.za) can help connect you to qualified counsellors.
0800 567 567
C0800 456 789
0800 12 13 14
*Some names have been changed for privacy.
**Adapted for West African audiences from the Mar/Apr 2023 issue of Men’s Health SA.
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