Social media platforms have long served as an outlet for people to share personal experiences, but recently, a Nigerian woman using the handle @alexisontiktok_1 ignited widespread conversation after recounting on TikTok how her romantic relationship ended in heartbreak. According to her, she discovered that her boyfriend had impregnated another woman and, to her shock, laid the blame at her feet.
In her TikTok confession, Alexis claimed: “I found out that the man I was dating got somebody else pregnant, and his response to me is, ‘Can’t you see that you caused it? I’ve been begging you to get pregnant for me so I can come and see your parents.’”
According to Alexis, the man attempted to manipulate and guilt-trip her, suggesting that her decision not to get pregnant was to blame for his actions. This account, while unique in its circumstances, highlights patterns of emotional manipulation that have become a topic of growing concern among young Nigerians. In her words, Alexis emphasized that “manipulation knows no gender,” urging women to equip themselves with the tools to recognize such behaviour.
As Alexis further explained in a follow-up post, she learned about the other woman only after questioning her now-ex-boyfriend directly. “When I asked him how it happened because I did not even know there was another woman in the picture, he said that when he was building his fuel station, somebody would always send her to bring food for him. Then, one of those days, it happened, and he claimed it was a one-off.”
She indicated that, far from letting the matter go quietly, she plans to be candid about her ordeal: “You know the saying, ‘Never say never’? It was me. I swam in it. I’ll be reliving all the moments. I might even be calling his name.”
Emotional Manipulation and Its Impacts
Alexis’ account sparked a wave of discussions across Nigerian social media, with many users—particularly women—sharing their own stories of manipulation in relationships. Experts such as Lagos-based clinical psychologist Dr. Adetola Ogundipe note that emotional manipulation, including guilt-tripping and blame-shifting, is increasingly recognised in public discourse as unhealthy and harmful relationship behaviour. “These types of manipulative responses can affect victims’ self-esteem and make them question their self-worth,” Dr. Ogundipe explained in a recent interview.
Social attitudes in Nigeria and West Africa sometimes place pressure on unmarried women to marry young or start families, but many young people today are choosing to delay such milestones in favour of career pursuits or personal goals. According to a 2023 survey by the National Bureau of Statistics (NBS), approximately 47% of Nigerian women aged 18–35 are unmarried, reflecting changing attitudes towards relationships and family planning. This societal shift means that more people are openly challenging traditional expectations—and the backlash can include attempts to guilt partners into decisions about marriage and children.
Spotting the Red Flags: Local Perspectives
Following Alexis’ viral posts, many Nigerians online shared advice and warnings about the importance of recognising early signs of manipulation. Common red flags cited by relationship experts and advocates include:
- Frequent blame-shifting when things go wrong in the relationship
- Attempts to guilt a partner into major life decisions
- Secretiveness about other relationships or friendships
- Sudden defensiveness when asked direct questions
- Lack of accountability for personal actions
According to Abuja-based social worker Juliet Owolabi, “Manipulation doesn’t just end with romantic relationships—it can happen at work, among friends, or in family settings. It is important to trust your instincts and seek support from close friends, mentors, or counsellors when you notice early warning signs.”
Reactions and Broader Implications
Online, Alexis’ honest storytelling has drawn a strong response, with thousands engaging her TikTok posts and many sending her messages of solidarity. Legal analyst Michael Olumide commented, “While infidelity is unfortunately common, what’s most troubling here is the deflection of responsibility. Emotional abuse, including manipulation, can sometimes cross into territory that is actionable under Nigerian law if it includes defamation or causes mental distress, though most such matters are settled outside court.”
In neighbouring Ghana and other West African countries, similar conversations have surfaced, with advocates urging greater public awareness about psychological abuse in relationships. Some have pointed to the need for more robust legal frameworks and community support systems to help affected individuals. International research, such as studies published by the World Health Organization, indicate that emotional manipulation and abuse often go unreported in African societies due to stigma and fear of social consequences.
A Shift Towards Open Dialogue
Alexis’ willingness to speak out reflects a broader cultural trend: more young Africans are openly discussing mental health and relationship wellness, challenging old taboos. Platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and X (formerly Twitter) enable these conversations to reach vast audiences—offering both solidarity to survivors and education for those seeking healthy relationships. Recent Lagos community workshops on emotional intelligence and relationship boundaries reportedly drew hundreds of participants, highlighting a growing demand for awareness and practical life skills.
Next Steps: Healing, Learning, and Moving Forward
Recovering from heartbreak—especially one involving betrayal and manipulation—is never easy. Professional counsellors recommend:
- Seeking support from trusted friends and family
- Considering professional therapy if emotional distress persists
- Educating oneself about healthy relationship dynamics
- Practising self-care to rebuild confidence
Alexis, for her part, has vowed to continue sharing her journey and is encouraging others to do the same, fostering a safer online environment where honest conversations about love, trust, and respect can thrive.
As the conversation continues across Nigeria, Ghana, and beyond, it serves as a reminder of the shared challenges faced by many in their personal relationships and the importance of advocating for mutual respect.
What do you think about Alexis’ experience and the wider issue of manipulation in relationships? Have you witnessed or experienced something similar? We want to hear your thoughts—share your comment below and follow us for more insights on social trends in Nigeria and West Africa.
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