In Nigeria, Ghana, and across West Africa, strong connections—whether romantic, platonic, or professional—are essential for both personal growth and daily survival. But as social, cultural, and economic pressures mount, so does the risk of finding yourself in relationships where someone behaves in an exploitative manner. From friends who turn to you for favours, to colleagues who lean heavily on your skills without reciprocation, recognising when you’re being taken advantage of is crucial to your well-being, your finances, and your self-esteem.
In the bustling cities of Lagos, Abuja, Accra, and beyond, many people recount experiences of feeling used—sometimes by childhood friends, other times by trusted partners. While some of these situations might seem innocent, repeated patterns can take a serious toll on emotional strength and broader community trust.
Below, we explore in detail seven revealing signs that someone may be exploiting your goodwill, plus practical steps for Nigerians, Ghanaians, and other readers to reclaim their boundaries and foster healthier relationships. Where relevant, we include local insights and expert perspectives to empower you to make confident choices.
1. Communication Only When They Need Favour
It’s a situation that many Nigerians know too well: a “friend” who appears only when in need—perhaps airtime, money for ‘urgent 2k’, or assistance with a job application. According to a 2021 survey published by SBM Intelligence, nearly 40% of urban youths in Nigeria have been approached for help by acquaintances they rarely hear from otherwise. If you notice that certain individuals only pop up when they want access to your resources, skills, or connections, the relationship might be one-sided.
How to Respond: Track how and when they initiate contact. Are they engaged and available when you’re in need? Lagos-based psychologist Ijeoma Okafor advises, “If every interaction is transactional, set clear limits and communicate your own availability firmly.”
2. They Rarely Show Interest in Your Well-Being
Healthy relationships thrive on mutual interest and empathy. In West African culture, community is vital, and it’s customary to check on others—even with a simple “how you dey?” A partner or friend who regularly ignores your updates, skips milestones in your life, or steers every conversation back to themselves may only be invested in what they receive from you.
How to Respond: Test their sincerity by chatting about your own challenges or achievements. If they appear disinterested or quickly redirect the discussion, this confirms that their priorities don’t include your well-being. “True kin don’t only ask when hungry,” notes Ghanaian relationship columnist Nana Aba Mensah.
3. Giving Feels One-Sided—You Receive Little Back
Balance is key to any lasting relationship. In many African communities, there’s an expectation of sharing, but ongoing, unequal giving can leave you emotionally and financially depleted. Whether you’re always the one to buy fuel for your uncle’s generator or the designated ‘agony aunt’ among colleagues, it’s important to notice when there’s no reciprocation—financially, emotionally, or with simple gestures of support.
How to Respond: Reflect on what the relationship really adds to your life. If you consistently feel used, it may be time to invest more energy in relationships that nurture you too. According to Counselling Nigeria, a self-assessment every few months helps maintain balance and sanity.
4. Manipulation Through Flattery or Guilt
From Lagos to Kumasi, stories abound of people who use sweet words or guilt-trips to get favours. Flattery can be disarming: “No one cooks like you, abeg help me with food,” or guilt-tripping: “If I mean anything to you, you’ll do this.” Manipulators often rely on these tactics so you overlook their lack of genuine care.
How to Respond: Remain alert to emotional manipulation. Dr. Yemi Lawal, a psychologist based in Ibadan, recommends developing a confident “no” and being ready to calmly explain your limits. “Healthy relationships don’t guilt you for protecting your peace,” he says.
5. They’re Absent When You Need Help
It’s a reality for many: when personal crisis strikes—be it job loss, illness, or emergency—those who once leaned on you may suddenly become unreachable. According to testimonies gathered by the Abuja Support Network (ASN), this is particularly common among urban professionals who act as the main ‘helper’ in their circle but find little support in return.
How to Respond: Consider reaching out with a specific request and observe their reaction. If there’s always an excuse or they routinely disappear, their commitment to the relationship may not be as genuine as you hoped.
6. Disregard for Your Boundaries
West African families and community ties can run deep—but respect for individual boundaries is still essential. If someone repeatedly asks you for more than you’re able (or willing) to give, or tries to make you feel selfish for declining, this is a red flag. According to advocacy group Safe Space Nigeria, disregard for boundaries often leads to resentment and emotional exhaustion.
How to Respond: Communicate your boundaries directly and don’t be afraid to enforce them. “People who value you will respect your limits, even if it means hearing ‘no’,” advises Ghana-based relationship coach Esi Owusu-Afriyie.
7. You Feel Drained or Undervalued
If interactions with a particular person consistently leave you feeling exhausted, stressed, or unappreciated, it’s a sign of an unhealthy dynamic. According to a 2023 Well-Being Africa survey, West Africans rank emotional exhaustion as a leading symptom of exploitative relationships, particularly in high-pressure environments like the banking sector or among secondary school students boarding outside their family home.
How to Respond: Prioritise self-care. Regularly assess how others make you feel and don’t be afraid to limit your engagement with those who bring negativity. Find strength in positive relationships that offer gratitude, encouragement, and support in return.
Building and sustaining healthy relationships is a journey familiar to many Nigerians and Ghanaians. The importance of recognising toxic patterns extends beyond the individual—it strengthens the social fabric. By learning to spot signs of exploitation and responding assertively, communities can foster a culture of respect, reciprocity, and emotional well-being.
As with many life lessons, practice and cultural sensitivity are key. Local associations, online forums, and counselling services across West Africa are increasingly addressing the topic and offering safe spaces for people facing these challenges. For those seeking more guidance, platforms like Counselling Nigeria, the Safe Haven Ghana Initiative, and various social media groups provide resources for both personal and professional growth.
Globally, issues of emotional exploitation are also gaining more attention, with numerous organisations highlighting the importance of boundaries and mutual respect in healthy relationships—demonstrating that while the context may vary, the need for balance is universal.
Have you ever felt used in a friendship, workplace, or family relationship? How did you handle it, and what advice would you give to others facing similar challenges? Drop your thoughts in the comments and follow us for more updates and community advice.
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